Dear friends, I just heard about another suicide of a high school student today. It happened to be the fourth suicide in that school in a year! It brought back some of the earth shattering shock and pain of my dear brother-in-law’s suicide 34 years ago. Every single death is a shock to us—probably because God created us to live eternally. Yet there is something about a self-inflicted death that wreaks havoc in survivors’ lives. As painfully hard as this subject is, I want to share some thoughts with you:
Every Life is Precious
God is close to the broken-hearted and you must admit that someone has to be extremely broken to take their own life. If only we would have the eyes of Christ to spot the broken hearted and share eternal hope more readily on a daily basis. Yet often, the person hides it well from those they love. They must truly believe there is no other way at that particular moment in time and they act in that hopeless-appearing state. God knows each person and loves them even more than we are capable of. He alone knows their heart and is with them—yet as always, He allows free choice. If you are dealing with the suicide of one you love, rest assured the Lord knows them, sees their heart, and it is His desire that not even one should perish but have eternal life through Jesus Christ.
Nothing is Beyond Healing and Renewal for the Lord
There are times the death happens in front of others, and other times, the person did it alone. Either way, it traumatizes those left behind. The trauma has to work its’ course yet survivors must do their part to hold up this unimaginable pain before the Lord. Counselors can help, but only the Lord can truly heal and make all things new. Only God can take such a devastating death and make something good come from it. Just as each person is unique, so is each grief after a suicide. Yet God is the One who can heal anything. The scars will always be there, but the goodness of the Lord can shine through even the deep scars of suicide.
Grieving After a Suicide
This is a very simplistic sounding blog, but hopefully it will let you know that you can and need to work through your grief, no matter how painful it is. There will be many questions: “Why?” “How could they do this to me?” “Why couldn’t I stop it?” “Why couldn’t God stop it?” “Where are they now?” There may not be answers to some of those questions here in this life (as my mother-in-law said about 6 months after her son’s self-inflicted death.) Yet as in any death, it is critical to work through your grief. The best thought I can share in this short blog is to continually pour out all your honest thoughts, hurts, fears and pain to the Lord in a journal. Hold it all up to Him. He can and will heal what no one else can.
Helping a Survivor of Suicide
Be willing to listen quietly and without too much advice. Let them get their anger, fear and pain out…then quietly pray with them. Keep praying for them. Gently point them to the Lord who can help them. Share good memories of the one who took their life. Their whole life was not that one moment of action. Watch for hopelessness in those left behind (other family members and students) for survivors can fall into the temptation to feel hopeless enough to consider suicide. Keep checking on them through short tests, calls, messages and visits. Invite them to do something fun as a break from grief. Be gentle as they grieve.
Not even suicide is impossible for God to make something good from. I think of my brother-in-law’s death 34 years ago, and I know the Lord has used that in many ways in my family and in strangers since that time.
Love and prayers,
“Jesus looked at them at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.’” Mark 10:27
For more indepth help grieving a suicide or any death, MY FOREVER MEMORIES OF YOU was written with love to help you work through your personal grief with God’s help.